Happy New Year! Oh wow, oh wow, oh wow, how great a New Year feels, when you get it fresh on this side of the International Date Line. It's like getting licked unconscious by Victoria's Secret models. Oh, Western World, how I wish you knew what you're missing--you only thought your New Year was new, but by the time you get it, it's really been around the block!

I was having dinner with the neighbors when they tried to make conversation. They said, "The most popular dog name in Japan is: poochie. The most popular cat name is: tama (balls). What are the most popular cat and dog names in America?"

I thought about it for a bit too long. What is a popular pet name? Nothing came to mind, except, "Blue. A popular dog's name is: Blue. I don't know about cats." In truth, I only know of two Blues. The first is Blue's Clues. The second, from a quote in a Stephen King novel I read years ago.

...I'm telling you so you'll know
Old Blue's gone where the good dogs go.

I remembered asking my parents about why the dog was named Blue and they told me it was a popular name. Then, just the other day, watching Our Idiot Brother, a dog named Blue was referenced in one of the songs.

Which begs the question: anybody know a popular cat name? Or is there none?

So I went out for a big night in Tokyo. Ikebukuro, to be exact. And where do my friends tell me to meet them? TGI Fridays. I came all the way from America to meet them in a TGI Friday's and order a corona.

Then I got the bill and nearly had a heart attack. The corona cost 798 yen! In my head, I roughly calculated it to be a TEN DOLLAR BEER! Indeed, with the current exchange rate the cost of the corona, alone, was $10.25.

The five Heinekins? $51.25 in US dollars.

Needless to say, I don't plan on going to TGI Friday's in Tokyo anymore. Nor do I particularly want to order coronas.

So lucky me, I'm in Japan for the release of the new Sony Play Station Vita, or PSVITA. I went down to the local Kojima to buy one, but they didn't have any. Then I rode my bike over to the Yamada denki, and sure enough they were in stock. Would you like me to buy one for you? If so, contact me using the name "maulakai" at gmail. Or the same name on twitter. I'm easy ;)

I just had a Jehovah's Witness ring my doorbell. Again. It's amazing, how far reaching their recruitment goes.

Remember Japanese door bells are far superior to their American counter parts. When someone pushes the button outside, a camera turns on and shows me on a monitor inside who is there. If I wish, I can push a button and talk to the person. They can't see me.

Usually, to get rid of the usual door-to-door guys, I speak English. This turns away a good 99% of Japanese. But this Jehovah's Witness spoke English! He wasn't deterred!

I had to do the unthinkable--tell him "No thank you," and push the button again to turn off the camera and speaker. FML!

I was walking home from McDonalds after another great writing session, walking past my favorite salon, the one with the name I think looks like "A fetish taco." One of the employees was standing outside in a Santa costume. He beckoned me to come inside, pointing to a sign. The only Japanese I could read on the sign was the kanji for gold, which in this context almost certainly meant Friday. That, and a time, 14:00. It just so happened to be 14:00, and Friday. It seemed as though fate had brought me there for whatever they had in store.

They sat me down in a small group, as we waited for the show to start. The employees, they all wore clogs with super heels that made them two or three inches taller. Even the men. Then, just as suddenly as I picked up my iPod to type this message, it started. Fake snow came down in a flurry at the window which made up the backdrop to the makeshift stage they had setup in front of us. Then, the characters came into view. First a Santa claus figure that was so thin he could only be Japanese. Followed by a very cute looking Mrs. Claus. Behind that, a Rudolph and behind him, inexplicably, a grey alien. There were four people after
him, but I couldn't make out who they were before the entire precession and walk on, out of sight, no doubt coming around the building to enter. A minutes later, as they were walking to the front of the stage, the employees who remained indoors threw whipped cream pies at them. Or rather, not whipped cream but fake snow pies. I wasn't sure if it was fitting for the occasion or not.

Then I wasn't sure if the unidentified characters of the show were men or not. They wore bikinis with breasts, but as I looked closer I saw that they must have been men, because the bras were stuffed. Confusing their gender even more was that they had six pack abs penciled onto their chests. One of them pantyhose over his face. It's was an incredible sight to behold.

The group sang several classic Christmas songs, in Japanese. They passed out small bells to fasten to our hands while encouraging us to clap along. When it was all finished, they immediately started chanting Encore, obliging us, the audience to demand more. After another song, they passed out some free
goodies, candy mostly, but also a small bottle of body lotion. Then gave us a banner to hold and took a group photo of the audience.

For the finale, the man dressed as the grey alien did a mime routine before taking his mask off and revealing himself. I didn't recognize him. Finally, the guy wearing the pantyhose on his head put a long ribbon of elastic into the gray aliens mouth and stretched it out a good three meters across the room. Everybody counted down, three, two, one, and he released the elastic, smacking the gray alien in the mouth. Everyone laughed and applauded.

This event was recorded by the staff with a iPad. I fancy myself a creative person,
but there's no way to make this kind of stuff up. On my way out, I was handed an
autographed picture of the Santa character, who was probably the owner.

So McDonalds is the new StarBucks. At least in my town it is. Since there aren't any StarBucks locations here in Kuki to hang out in, McDonalds serves that role. It has everything: a smoking area; young people; businessmen; housewives and babies. It even has a Nintendo DS "download area"--whatever that is.

Without a StarBucks to write in, I've been going to McDonalds. Strange as it sounds, this McDonalds really is the neighborhood watering hole.

Every time I buy my coffee, I'm handed a coupon. I'd been throwing them away, until I had Maki translate for me. Duh! It seems so obvious now. But, I ask, could you tell me what this coupon is for?

That's right, it's for either a free small coffee (remember in Japan small means children's size) or a discounted 50 yen medium coffee. How about a large coffee? Well large coffee isn't even on the menu. They don't sell large coffees, trust me, I've asked.