The title link is the inspiration for this post. I regularly read digg.com, and I was surprised to see this guy blogging about Japan. Needless to say his five mistakes for Japan didn't satisfy me. I'm sorry, but getting hosed by a hot girl is the same in Japan as it is in any other country.

As a matter of fact, I'm sure I can come up with a better list. A longer list. A more... Japanese list.

10. Assume the bathroom is Western Style - You're going to have to go at some point. Number two, really bad, and in an unfamiliar place. You'll be so happy that you were able to find the bathroom, (or toilet as its called here) that you'll forget about the sometimes primitive facilities. You'll go inside and open the stall door--but no toilet will be there. Its almost crazy enough to be some kind of college prank. Instead of a toilet, theres literally a hole in the floor. A porcelain hole, but a hole nonetheless. Good luck using it without completely disrobing.

9. Train line shenanigans - I assume that taking the train is going to be much easier for New Yorkers. People familiar with mass transportation. But the vast majority of us are used to driving to where we need to go. The train is going to present some challenges. You'll definitely, at some point, buy a ticket for the wrong train line. Or else you'll have the proper train line but not know which platform number. You might be at the correct platform, but take a train in the opposite direction. You might take the correct line, platform and direction, but take a "Super Commuter Express" which skips over your stop, because you really wanted the "Commuter Rapid." And even if you got all that right, you still might have gotten into a very nice looking green car. They're always conveniently located close to the stairs, right in the middle of the platform. The green cars are spacious, and everybody gets to sit down. Then some stranger is going to come to you and make you fork over three thousand yen ($30) or more for the privilege. Green cars are for the rich people, that means not you.

8. The letters "so" and "n" - You've already studied some Japanese. You know that they have katakana and hiragana. You also probably think that you've mastered those two alphabets. Then you'll look at some real world signs and have a second guess. Directly next to my house is a store called Jason.

I see this sign literally every day, every time I go home or leave home. I see both damn letters, but still I can't tell the two apart. Take a look at the Jason sign. The last two letters are "so" and "n," in that order. Take a good look at it, then look at this real world sign. Would you be able to read it?

7. Your ATM card will work - Yes, your ATM card will work. Technically. You're going to find yourself in Tokyo, desperately needing cash. And while its true your ATM card will work, it certainly won't work at every ATM. Not even most ATMs. As a matter of fact, it won't work at the vast majority of machines in Japan. You will be spending a good half a day locating that one magic ATM that actually accepts your card. The good news is that this ATM will almost certainly have an English button. I seem to remember Narita airport having 'good' ATMs as well.

6. X is famous in Japan - My favorite example of this comes from the news article "Robots Enter Daily Life in Japan." My god how easy it is to lie about Japan to just about any other country. Not only haven't robots entered daily life in Japan. They haven't entered weekly or monthly life. I've been here for two freaking years and I still haven't seen a robot. If you consider my roomba (before it broke) back in the States, Japan actually has less robots. Another great example is the infamous Japan special of Insomniac with Dave Attell. He had so much fun going to the Penis Festival. Those crazy Japanese and their penis festivals. There's only one problem. Nobody in japan knows about it. I've now had the opportunity to ask many, many random people who have been students of mine. If it sounds really crazy, or really popular, there's a good chance nobody's heard of it. And while you're probably not interested in Japan for robots or penis festivals, there is something about Japan that interests you. And they'll have no idea what you're talking about.

UPDATE: I just found this article on Reuters. But its opening up an upcoming post of its own. More on this later.

5. The Starbucks Queue - Okay, we've all spent plenty of time in Starbucks. The stereotypical Starbucks for me was the one in downtown Gainesville. They opened up directly across from Maude's, the local shop. And although there were enough coffee drinking college students to support both shops, I liked Starbucks better. So every time you visit Starbucks, you've probably got some kind of a routine to find a table. Some people wait close to a table of people who appear to be leaving. Others circle the shop like vultures. But as soon as a seat frees up, everybody jumps to grab it. That's how we've been trained. That's what Americans do at Starbucks. But it's not what you wanna do at Starbucks in Japan.
What I'm about to tell you doesn't apply to all Starbucks in Japan. I'm referring specifically to the street level Starbucks closest to Ikebukuro station (consequently, where I'm often spotting playing chess). That Starbucks is particularly busy. And I imagine like all busy Starbucks, they take extra measures to seat their clientèle. When you enter this Starbucks, you'll be greeted by a cute Japanese girl who is going to ask you if you'd like a seat. If you say yes, she'll ask you to wait in line. And if you don't understand Japanese, you'll blow right by her and buy and coffee, that predator instinct awakening inside of you. You won't wait in the line, you won't even notice the line because you've been trained to watch those tables like a hawk, hurriedly grabbing one as soon as its free. Rude gaijin. To add insult to injury, nobody's going to say a word to you about it. If you wanna butt the line, thats A-OK with them. Hopefully, one day, you'll figure it out on your own. Or read the blog of yours truly.

4. Inside or out? - We all know that it is customary to remove your shoes when entering certain establishments in Japan. That's not the mistake you're going to make. But in the area where you're supposed to change your shoes, you're going to see a kind of a wooden palate.

What is the purpose of this palate? Why hadn't anybody mentioned it to you before? I first thought that it was some kind of a mat. That you would use it to wipe the dirt off of your feet. Because dirt certainly could easily fall through it. But as it turns out, that palate counts as being the inside of the house. You're not supposed to step on it. And if you do step on it thinking it counted as being outside, well you've just made the mistake I said you weren't going to make.

3. BYOT & BYOTB - Bring your own towel & Bring your own tooth brush. The Japanese, unlike Americans, actually care about the environment. One of the ways they do this, is by almost never using paper towels. Paper towels in Japan, are a rare gift indeed. Most toilets have air driers. I should add that, by American standards, these air dryers are quite nice. Motion sensor activated and multi directional. But a good number of bathrooms don't even have these. They won't have any way for you to dry your hands, whatsoever. You'll be wiping them on your shirt and pants for years before you'll be organized enough to remember to Bring Your Own Towel.
Japanese also care about dental hygiene. If you come to Japan, you'll probably be working as an ALT, that is, an assistant language teacher at an elementary, JR High or High school. And what does everybody, teachers, principal and students, do after they eat? They all brush their teeth together. But you're not going to bring your toothbrush. Brushing your teeth is an activity most Americans do twice a day at best, at home alone in the bathroom. Even if you don't work as an ALT, because the routine is ingrained in the people at such a young age, the culture continues the practice even in the Japanese Corporate World. So bring a towel and a tooth brush.

2. Dessert and Coffee Sizes - You're going to see your favorite dessert on the menu at some point. And at some point you're going to order it. But what you're ordering is the dessert you remember from your mind. The "American-American" dessert food. What you'll be receiving is the Japanese-American version of the dessert. And its going to be small. Really small. Bite sized even.
This includes the frappucino you order at Starbucks. Remember everything (except beer and shrimp) is smaller here. You're going to order a grande and feel swindled when they give you a tall. But that's the way it is here, everything is a size down. After two years of life here, I can honestly say I've learned to live... smaller.

1. Swastikas - The icon of the Nazis.

We pretty much abandoned anything that looks even remotely like a swastika. They're considered taboo. When you first come to Japan, you'll be surprised to see them. On maps, in car navigation systems. A swastika could possibly be anywhere. But only to the untrained eye. To us, if viewed separately, the two icons would be the same. But what you have to remember is that the Japanese are very skilled at differentiating between icons. To them, the two are completely different. One is the taboo and no longer used swastika. But the other completely different symbol is used to indicate the location of a temple. Why do gaijin keep confusing these two different symbols? One is moving clockwise, the other anti-clockwise. They're mirror images, duh!

Bonus: Dame - This is my own personal mistake. I imagine that anybody familiar with Spanish would make it. And I by no means am fluent in Spanish. But I do know some words, among them, dame. What I picture in my head when I think about the word dame is, two siblings fighting over a toy. The boy snatches the toy away from his sister, and the sister turns to him and says "Da me!" It literally means, "Give me!"
When I heard people saying dame in Japanese, without considering it, I thought I understood. Time and time again, I'd hear people saying dame. Dame when ordering something on a menu. Dame when asked if they'd like this or that. But the funny thing was that they'd never receive what they were asking for. Why didn't that waiter give him what he asked for? Because dame, in Japanese, means "I don't want it."